“Weird Al” Yankovic’s Mandatory Fun Chinese propaganda posters!

“Weird Al” Yankovic is promoting his latest album Mandatory Fun with two Chinese propaganda poster spoofs. One poster has Chinese. To find out what it says, mouseover the Chinese characters here or scroll down:

没有穿内裤
weirdalmandatoryfunchinesepropaganda Weird Al Yankovics Mandatory Fun Chinese propaganda posters!
“I’m not wearing underwear”
没有穿内裤
wǒ méiyǒu chuān nèikù

And here’s the other one:

weirdalmandatoryfunchinesepropaganda2 Weird Al Yankovics Mandatory Fun Chinese propaganda posters!

Click the images for the original source.

In China, math spells romance! (Secret Chinese love codes)

yi In China, math spells romance! (Secret Chinese love codes)With only 409 syllables in the entire language, Chinese has too many homophones. That might sound judgmental but hear me out: Jessica’s Chinese name, for example, has in it. If I type “yi” on my phone, it’s the 90th (!!) yi in the list of yi characters to scroll through. It’s a good thing I love her so much, because inputting her name is serious 麻烦

So the Chinese totally go to town on homophone wordplays. They don’t even need to be true homophones; drunk language student pronunciation is apparently good enough to get the meaning across. In fact they don’t even need words; numbers work just fine. Turns out that in Mandarin you can say a lot with numbers. Like on the inside of our friends’ wedding rings:

ring1 In China, math spells romance! (Secret Chinese love codes)

They inscribed “L.L. 14520” inside the bands. The “L”s are just for their last names: Liú and . But the numbers when spoken are yī sì wǔ èr líng, which to them sounds like yī shì wǒ ài nǐ一世我爱你),which means: “(For my) whole life I love you”. (“一世” is short for “一生一世”。)

I showed the picture to my preschool office coworkers and they all got it in under three seconds.

ring2 In China, math spells romance! (Secret Chinese love codes)

One of their friends has 201314 on her ring: èr líng yī sān yī sì, which sounds like ài nǐ yī shēng yī shì (爱你一生一世: “love you (for my) whole life”).

There’s more language learning fun to be had in the Learning Mandarin topic. See also:

Propaganda Fight 2: neighbourhood posters directly address cult-stamped money

In Qingdao, China it’s not uncommon to find anti-Party messages stamped on our money. I have a collection going. They’re created by a huge home-grown Chinese religious group that the Chinese government officially designated an “evil cult” in the late-90′s. Here’s the most recent one I’ve received:

flgmoney Propaganda Fight 2: neighbourhood posters directly address cult stamped money
“On a 100million year old ancient stone in Guizhou province suddenly appears ‘China Communist Party Die’ six big characters, quickly declare withdrawal from the Party and guarantee your well-being, Quit the Party Team phone number: 001…”

New anti-cult posters continue to go up on our neighbourhood’s Anti-Evil Cult Warning & Education Propaganda Board (all of them anti-FLG or anti-Almighty God/Eastern Lightning). Normally they’re simple and illustrated, like this one currently posted beside a copy of the Alarm Bell News (a publication for “upholding science and opposing evil cults” by the Guarding Against and Dealing With the Evil Cult Problem Office):

* * * * *

xiejiaoposterfull Propaganda Fight 2: neighbourhood posters directly address cult stamped money
Guard Against and Resist Evil Cults, Construct a Harmonious Society

1. What is an Evil Cult?
Evil cult refers to the fraudulent use of religion, Qigong or other established things; deified ringleaders; make use of, create, and disseminate superstition, fallacies, etc., to deceive others; grow and control members; illegal organizations that endanger society.

2. What is the Basic Nature of an Evil Cult?
Anti-humanity, anti-science, anti-society.

3. What are the Main Features of an Evil Cult?
1) Anti-science, fabricate falsehoods.
2) Deified leader, psychological control.
3) Secret societies, illegal activities.
4) Swindle believers, extort wealth.
5) Opposed to the government, hostile to society.
6) Proclaim doom, create panic.

Keep away from evil cults; Live healthily
Qingdao City Guard Against & Deal With the Evil Cult Problem Office

防范抵御邪教 构建和谐社会

一、什么是邪教?
邪教是指冒用宗教、气功或者其他名义建立,神化首要分子,利用制造、散布迷信邪说等手段迷信、蒙骗他人,发展、控制成员,危害社会的非法组织。

二、邪教的本质是什么?
反人类、反科学、反社会

三、邪教的主要特征有哪些?
1、反对科学,编造邪说。
2、神化头子,精神控制。
3、秘密结社,非法活动。
4、坑骗信徒,聚敛钱财。
5、反对政府,仇视社会。
6、宣扬灾劫,制造恐慌。

远离邪教 健康生活
青岛市防范和处理邪教问题办公室

* * * * *

But just last week I noticed this next one, which addresses the defaced money directly. Unlike the cute comic-style posters; this is serious black and white multiple-official-red-stamped business. Rough translation below the image (feel free to suggest corrections!):

* * * * *

poster1 Propaganda Fight 2: neighbourhood posters directly address cult stamped money

Chinese Communist Party Shandong Province Party Committee Ministry of Propaganda
Shandong Province People’s Government Guarding Against & Dealing With the Evil Cult Problem Office
Shandong Province Public Security Bureau
China People’s Bank Jinan Branch

Regarding Being on Guard Against and Striking the “FLG” Evil Cult Organization
A Notice About Using RMB to Carry Out Reactionary Propaganda

For the past few years, some “FLG” evil cult members have been making use of the way RMB circulates, using handwriting, stamps, coloured printing, and other methods, writing and publicizing evil cult slogans on RMB, especially spreading reactionary content attacking and slandering the Chinese Communist Party and socialist system, projecting a vile and harmful influence. Under the Public Security Bureau’s crackdown and the broad masses of the people’s energetic boycott, this reactionary sabotage by “FLG” evil cult members has been been checked. But, due to the stubbornness of evil cult activity, currently a large number of these kinds of RMB still appear in society, and the response of the broad masses of the people is strong.

RMB is our China’s legal currency. “FLG” evil cult members adopt the method of defiling RMB to advance reactionary propaganda, they have no right to violate the People’s Republic of China People’s Bank Law and the People’s Republic of China RMB Administration Regulations, and furthermore they’ve violated our nation’s Criminal Law and Public Security Administration Penalties Law — a serious kind of anti-law, anti-society illegal criminal activity. The PRC Chinese People’s Bank Law 19th provision: deliberately damaging RMB is prohibited. The PRC RMB Administration Regulations 23rd provision: those who deliberately damage RMB will be warned by the Public Security Bureau, and a maximum fine of 10,000 yuan will be imposed. PRC Criminal Law 105th article 2nd provision: starting a rumour, slander or other methods of incitement to subvert state power and overthrow the socialist system will be punished with a maximum five year prison term, detention, supervision, or loss of political privileges; ringleaders and major offenders, a minimum five years prison term. 300th article 1st provision: organizing and making use of secret societies, evil cult organizations or using superstition to damage national law and implemented administrative statues, minimum three years to maximum seven years prison term; when circumstances are especially serious, minimum seven year prison term.

The image of the RMB must not be damaged, the dignity of law must not be trampled. The Public Security Bureau at all levels should intensify surveillance and detection efforts, punish criminal action of the “FLG” evil cult using RMB for reactionary propaganda, and maintain an orderly circulation and reputation of RMB. Advocacy at all levels of financial institutions, major Party and government organizations, schools, enterprises and institutions to prevent the evil cult sector, carry out various forms of extensive publicity and educational activities to give the public a clearer understanding of the “FLG” evil cult’s use of RMB for reactionary propaganda and serious illegal purposes, and enhance the image and legal responsibility of maintaining the dignity of the RMB, the ways and means to master the correct treatment, strive to create a good social atmosphere. The masses should raise awareness of and consciously resist the illegal and criminal activities of the “FLG”, and in daily life should ignore and reject the use of such defiled RMB, and if they receive such RMB should have it exchanged at the nearest bank branch as soon as possible. If suspicious persons are discovered writing reactionary content on RMB, actively report to the Public Security Bureau. Each bank branch should perform their required duties and enhance service awareness timely and according to the provisions for the masses to freely exchange such defiled RMB.

Let’s act together firmly in the fight with the “FLG” evil cult’s criminal actions of using RMB for reactionary propaganda, take concrete actions to safeguard the image of the RMB, and maintain the dignity of national law in order to accelerate the construction of the economy and culture of Shandong Province, to achieve the great rejuvenation of the Chinese nation, for the “Chinese Dream” of creating a harmonious and stable social environment!

April 10, 2014

中共山东省委宣传部
山东省人民政府防范和处理邪教问题办公室
山东省公安厅
中国人民银行济南分行

关于防范打击“FLG”邪教组织
利用人民币进行反动宣传的通告

近年来,一些“FLG”邪教分子利用人民币的流通特性,采用手写、盖印、彩色打印等手法,在人民币上书写和印制邪教标语特别是攻击诋毁中国共产党和社会主义制度的反动内容进行传播,影响恶劣危害突出。在公安机关严厉打击和广大人民群积极抵制下,“FLG”邪教分子的这一反动破坏行径受到了一定遏制。但是,由于邪教活动的顽固性,目前社会面上此类人民币仍大量出现,广大人民群众反映强烈。

人民币是我国法定货币。“FLG”邪教分子采取污损人民币的方式进行反动宣传,不权违反了《中华人民共和国中国人民银行法》《中华人民共和国人民币管理条例》,而且触犯了我国《刑法》和《治安管理处罚法》,是一种反法律反社会的严重违法犯罪行动。《中华人民共和国中国人民银行法》第十九条规定:禁止故意毁损人民币。《中华人民共和国人民币管理条例》第四十三条规定:故意毁损人民币的,由公安机关给予警告,并处1万元以下的罚款。《中华人民共和国刑法》第一百零五条第二款规定:以造谣、诽谤或者其他方式煽动颠覆国家政权、推翻社会主义制度的,处五年以下有期徒刑、拘役、管制或者剥夺政治权利;首要分子或者罪行重大的,处五年以上有期徒刑。第三百条第一款规定:组织和利用会道门、邪教组织或者利用迷信破坏国家法律、行政法规实施的,处三年以上七年以下有期徒刑;情节特别严重的,处七年以上有期徒刑。

人民币的形象不容破坏,法律的尊严践踏。各级公安机关要加大侦察破案力度,依法严惩“FLG”邪教分子利用人民币进行反动宣传的违法犯罪行动,维护人民币的流通秩序和良好信誉。各级宣传,防范处理邪教部门和金融机构以及广大党政组织、学校、企事业单位要广泛开展各种形式的宣传教育活动,是公众进一步认清“FLG”邪教分子利用人民币进行反动宣传的罪恶目的的和严重违法性,增强维护人民币形象和法律尊严的责任感,掌握正确处理的方式方法,着力营造良好社会氛围。广大人民群众要提高防范意识,自觉抵制“FLG”分子的违法犯罪活动,日常生活中注意拒收和不使用此类污损人民币,一旦收到此类人民币要尽快到就近银行网点进行兑换。如发现有在人民币上涂印反动内容的可疑人员,要积极向公安机关报告。各银行网点要认真履行法定职责,提高服务意识,按规定及时无偿为群众兑换此类污损人民币。

让我们共同行动起来,坚决同“FLG”邪教分子利用人民币进行反动宣传的违法犯罪行为作斗争,以实际行动维护人民币的形象,维护国家法律的尊严,为加快山东经济文化强省建设、实现中华民族伟大复兴的“中国梦”创造和谐稳定社会环境!

2014年4月10日

* * * * *

xiejiaobulldoze Propaganda Fight 2: neighbourhood posters directly address cult stamped money
The science bulldozer uproots superstition with scientific truth.

pesticideofscience Propaganda Fight 2: neighbourhood posters directly address cult stamped money
The pesticide of upholding science kills the pests of superstition on the tree of socialism.

alarmbell1 Propaganda Fight 2: neighbourhood posters directly address cult stamped money
The AlarmBell News. Headlines:
“Stay far away from evil cults, don’t be a captive puppet”;
“Clearly understand the ‘FLG’ evil cult’s basic nature” (p.2);
“How ‘Almighty God’ brainwashes believers” (p.3).

alarmbell2 Propaganda Fight 2: neighbourhood posters directly address cult stamped money
Headlines:
“Licang District launches anti-evil cult knowledge training”;
“How Almighty God brainwashes believers”;
“Evil cult organizations control believers through communication deprivation”;
“China’s approach to and methods of dealing with evil cults in the past”.

If you just can’t get enough “evil cult” propaganda:

Preparing for the Resurrection Festival (aka “Easter”) in Chinese

If you aren’t going to do in-depth historical and cultural reading on 1st-century Palestine and learn koiné Greek, but you want an Easter tie-in for your Chinese language-learning and/or an intro to the basic “Resurrection Festival” narrative, here you go!

Even if you’re totally unfamiliar with the Easter story, this short reading list should more or less work for you. It’s all actual biblical text, abridged and slightly rearranged to make the narrative easier to follow. It doesn’t include every detail; read each of the four gospel accounts separately for that (like you should! ha). And don’t do like this in exegesis class or they’ll fail you.

pilate Preparing for the Resurrection Festival (aka Easter) in Chinese
“Pilate Washes His Hands” by He Qi.

Each PDF’s text comes in five different Chinese translations, all of which you can view online at BibleGateway.com and Bible.com. My plan is to do one a week ending on Resurrection Festival Sunday. Here they’re arranged to fit the traditional Western church calendar, but it’s cramming a lot of text into only a few days:

  • 2014年4月13日 — 棕榈主日 — 〈复活节2
  • 2014年4月17日 — 濯足节 — 〈复活节3〉+ 〈复活节4
  • 2014年4月18日 — 受难节 — 〈复活节5〉+ 〈复活节6
  • 2014年4月20日 — 复活节星期日 — 〈复活节7

复活节1.pdf

Peter tells Jesus he thinks Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah. Jesus tells him he’s right, but when Jesus goes on to talk about dying a horrible, humiliating death at the hands of their foreign political oppressors — basically the antithesis of what the Messiah was expected to be — Peter tells him to knock it off. Jesus responds with some tough love.
(Read Chinese/English parallel online: 可8:27-38 (但7:13-14))

复活节2.pdf

The common people are all keyed up. Word’s got around about Jesus’ miracles, especially about raising Lazarus from the dead. And the religious and cultural elites are calling for Jesus’ arrest. Crowds are fickle, but they know what potential public drama looks like. Will Jesus dare show up in Jerusalem for the Passover Festival when the religious and cultural establishment is out to get him? And what will happen if he does?
(Read Chinese/English parallel online: 约11:55-12:19;2:13-25)

复活节3.pdf

It’s the Passover meal with Jesus’ closest followers, his final meal before his death. Jesus continues to demonstrate his radical redefinition of Messiah and the subversive, upside-down nature of life in his ‘Kingdom’ by taking the role of the lowest servant and washing everyone’s filthy 1st-century Palestine feet. With wine and broken bread, he tells his disciples that his imminent sacrifice is for them.
(Read Chinese/English parallel online: 路22:7-13;约13:1-17;路22:14-30;(但7:13-14))

复活节4.pdf

Jesus knows it’s mere hours before his suffering and death, and he tells his disciples they will all abandon him. Peter refuses to accept this — he’s not afraid of violent revolution; that’s what he signed up for in the first place and he’s not the only one. Despite what Jesus has already said and done, his followers just can’t think outside their preconception of ‘Messiah’ as the long-awaited political liberator. Some of them are armed, and there’s blood shed when Jesus is betrayed. But Jesus’ reaction shatters them, and they do exactly as he said they would.
(Read Chinese/English parallel online: 太26:30-46;路22:47-52;可14:49-52;(但7:13-14))

复活节5.pdf

Jesus’ enemies can’t manage to convict him of blasphemy at their illegal trial because the testimonies of their lying witnesses conflict. So Jesus helps them out and makes a direct claim to divinity right in the high priest’s face. By their own laws that means the death penalty, but under Roman occupation they need an order from Pilate, the Roman governor, so they claim Jesus was organizing an armed rebellion against Rome. Pilate declares him innocent multiple times, but in the interests of diffusing a potential riot he orders Jesus’ brutal flogging and crucifixion, while placing responsibility for Jesus’ death squarely on the religious leaders and the mob they’d stirred up.

Meanwhile, Peter’s followed at a distance all this time, sneaking in within earshot of the proceedings — the only disciple brave enough. He alone of the 12 core disciples has refused to give up all hope that Jesus will bust out with the supernatural power and take down the Romans and the politically sold-out Jewish establishment. But as things turn from bad to worse and the people around him begin to recognize him as one of Jesus’ followers, he finally breaks.
(Read Chinese/English parallel online: 可14:53-72;路23:1-23;太27:24-31;(但7:13-14))

14 Crucifixion Preparing for the Resurrection Festival (aka Easter) in Chinese

复活节6.pdf

Jesus is crucified. Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus, two high-ranking and prominent religious leaders, publicly defy their peers by requesting Jesus’ body and giving him as honourable a burial as they can. The religious leaders, aware of Jesus’ claim that he would come back to life on the third day, convince Pilate to place guards at the tomb and seal it with a heavy stone so Jesus’ followers can’t steal the body and claim he’s resurrected. (Plus: the full psalm from which Jesus quotes, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’, and the previous bits involving Nicodemus: where he sneaks off in the night to talk with Jesus, and where he questions the legality of what his peers are suggesting.)
(Read Chinese/English parallel online: 路23:26-43;约19:23-27;可15:33-41、43;约19:38b-40;路23:54-56;太27:62-66;(诗篇22);(约3:1-21、7:45-53))

复活节7.pdf

Women with burial spices arrive at the tomb early in the morning only to discover it open and empty. An angel invites them to have a look, and then go tell Jesus’ other followers. Meanwhile the guards report what happened to the leaders, who bribe them into saying that Jesus’ disciples stole the body while they slept. Jesus appears to various groups of disciples on different occasions, including Thomas, who has refused to believe any of the reports of Jesus’ resurrection, and Peter, who’d denied knowing Jesus before his crucifixion. Peter’s gone back to fishing, and in a dramatic scene reminiscent of previous key shared experiences between the two, Jesus appears and addresses Peter’s denial.
(Read Chinese/English parallel online: 太28:1-15;路24:13-34;约20:19-21:25)

lws7 detail Preparing for the Resurrection Festival (aka Easter) in Chinese
“Nail Mark” (detail) by Li Wei San.

More Resurrection Festival in China:

Viral one-minute Chinese sex ed video — English translation

So there are these minute-long Chinese sex ed videos that’ve gone viral on the Chinese internet. I suspect they’re actually aimed at parents, but they’re funny and well done. Here’s a translation of the first one, which compares conception to getting a shot at the doctor’s and makes fun of the classic Chinese answer to, “Where did I come from?”

chinesesexed Viral one minute Chinese sex ed video    English translation
Your mom says you were brought back from the garbage pile?

We’ve had an interest in Chinese sex ed ever since we first arrived as language students and got involved with Bright Future, a sex ed project run by an American at Tianjin University. The traditional taboo against talking about sex is still strongly felt in China, so sex ed is a special challenge. And the not-talking-about-it enables copious amounts of risky sexual behaviours and their damaging consequences (see links at the bottom), so we’re fans of creative efforts like Bright Future.

DSCN5810Chuck Viral one minute Chinese sex ed video    English translation
A hands-on Bright Future birth control class at Tianjin University

Here I’ve embedded the video from YouTube, but if you’re in China without a VPN you can also see it on Youku and Tudou. Embedded from Youku at the bottom.

(If you want to mouseover the Chinese and get instant pop-up pronunciation/translation, install this in your web browser.)

一分钟性教育(1):小孩从哪儿来?

One-minute Sex Ed #1: Where Did You Come From?

你从哪儿来的?
Where did you come from?
当然是你爸妈生的啊!
Of course your dad and mom borned you!
老师跟你说是爱情的结晶?No, no, no,
Teacher told you it was love crystals? No no no…
我们是哺乳动物又不是晶体
We are mammals, not crystal
只有受精哪来的结晶
There’s just fertilization, where’s the crystallization?
你妈跟你讲,是从垃圾堆里捡回来的?
Your mom says you were brought back from the garbage pile?
也不是,你妈记错了
Nope, your mom remembers wrong
你是从小树林里捡回来的
You were brought back from a small grove of trees
哦,不
Uh, no
你是在小树林里受精的
You were conceived in a small grove of trees*
这个受精啊
This conception
就是你爸的精子钻到你妈的卵子里去
is your dad’s sperm making its way into your mom’s ovum
你问精子怎么进去的……
You ask how does the sperm go in…
呃,医院打针见过吧?
Um, you’ve seen an injection in the hospital, right?
针头戳一下,药水推进去
The needle pokes all of sudden, and the medicine is pushed in
过程差不多
That’s the process, more or less
哦,想知道你怎么长成这么大的呀?
Oh, so you want to know how you grew up this big?
刚开始受精卵比你的头发丝还细呢
At the very start the fertilized egg was thinner than your hair
用眼睛是看不到的
Couldn’t be seen with eyes
精子那么小,所以针管一定很小?
Since the sperm is that small, so the needle must be really small?
不不不!这和注射器大小没有关系!
No! No! No! This has nothing to do with the syringe’s size!
啊,你问会不会和打针一样疼?
Ah, you’re asking does it hurt as much as an injection?
嗯,多少会疼那么一下吧
Um, I guess it will hurt like that just a bit**
总之,你要孝顺你妈,知道了吗?
Basically, you need to show filial piety to your mother, understand?
然后受精卵会分裂
Afterwards the fertilized egg will divide
一分二、二分四、四分八……
One into two, two into four, four into eight, etc.
接着呢,会形成组织器官
After that, it will take shape and organize organs
慢慢分化
Slowly differentiating
这样你就有了心肝脾肺肾,眼耳鼻舌喉等等零碎儿了
This way you have a heart, liver, spleen, lungs, kidneys, eyes, ears, nose, tongue, throat, etc., odds and ends
什么?你妈说确定你是从垃圾堆里捡回来的?!
What? Your mom says she’s certain you were brought back from the garbage pile?!
我擦
Censored (“I erase”)
等等,我得去跟她聊聊……
Hold on, I need to have a chat with her…

(*P.S. — “…conceived in a small grove of trees” isn’t just some random joke. In memoirs we’ve read of China’s 1980′s, it was apparently not uncommon for couples to sneak out to public parks at night to fool around because they had nowhere else to go; living quarters were crowded and lacking privacy. I’m guessing that’s what they’re alluding to.)

(**P.P.S. — How would you translate this? 嗯,多少会疼那么一下吧)

More about Sex Ed (and the lack thereof) in China:

Abortion, AIDS, prostitution and gendercide:

“Communist” China summed up in one bumper sticker

Passed this on the way out this morning:

xiangqiankan Communist China summed up in one bumper sticker
我们的目标
Our goal: look to money, look to thick profits

Chairman Mao, as some stories have it, refused to even touch money. After his death, Deng Xiaoping launched China’s ‘Reform and Opening’ and ‘Modernization’ Era under the slogans: “Liberate thinking, seek truth from facts, join together and unanimously look forward” (解放思想实事求是团结一致). He probably meant “look forward” to mean something like, “let’s not dwell on all that nonsense of the past few decades, but instead get on with making a better future.” The bumper sticker simply switches out “front” (前 qián) for “money” (钱 qián), turning “look forward” into “look to money” — both phrases are pronounced exactly the same: xiàng qián kàn.

20140113 275 Communist China summed up in one bumper stickerThere are a million anecdotes to illustrate the way Mainland Chinese unapologetically prioritize money. The most recent one is from some study reported in a magazine (I forget which), indicating that Chinese tie material wealth to happiness at more than twice the global average.

P.S. – I suspect there’s more to the bumper sticker, but that’s all I’ve got for now.

P.P.S. – Here’s a Chinese forum thread admiring the same slogan on a custom license plate: 我的目标-向钱看-向厚赚-牛B720

P.P.P.S – What would the equivalent bumper sticker say in your home country, if it were equally honest?

P.P.P.P.S. – Like Propaganda?

Your sample Chinese New Year 2014 horsey text message [Updates!]

CNYhorseundies Your sample Chinese New Year 2014 horsey text message [Updates!]Chinese will send billions (literally!) of New Year’s greeting text messages today and tomorrow. And since the Year of the Horse begins tonight at midnight, this year there are lots of horsey word-plays (in addition to a proliferation of auspicious horse panties), just like the rabbit word-plays in 2011.

Here’s a real life example that we receivedearlier today, because these kinds of things are great for language learners, and you gotta have something with which to spam your address book.

“At once / right away / immediately” in Chinese is literally, “on a horse” (as in, you know, faster than walking). If you’re a first-year language student and your teacher sends you a text asking if you’ve arrived yet, you can reply in English “on a horse!” and they’ll think you’re really clever (if they’re clever enough to figure it out). Or roll their eyes.

Anyway, in this text “” does double-duty meaning “immediately” and “on the (year of the) horse.” So without further ado, mouseover the text for pronunciation and translation:

,[your name(s) here]家人祝福
家人马上马上马上
马上福气马上运气马上假期
总之好运应有尽有马到成功从头年尾

[Update 1] So lazy of me not to write out the English. Here it is:

The Horse Year has arrived. [so-and-so's]family sends blessings!
Wishing you and your family right away have money, right away have a house, right away have a car.*
Right away have good fortune, right away have good luck, right away have a vacation!
In short, good luck and everything as it should be in the horse year, immediate success! From the start prospering to the year’s end.

[*Remember: "right away" is a word-play on "on the horse".]

[Update 2] That Despicable Me minions Year of the Horse song video that’s been floating around? You can watch it and read a translation and explanation right here: On the Horse

More Chinese New Year text message fun:

More Chinese New Year 2014 fun: