Chinese beach in July?

If you’re a foreign family in Qingdao, it’s understandable if the thought of spending a summer day at the beach makes you twitch. I mean, come on, it’s July in Qingdao; who’s gonna march their little yangwawas through the middle of this?

QingdaoinJuly

Your kids already get more than enough attention on a normal day from the relatively cosmopolitan, local Qingdao urbanites. But throwing them into the middle of a beach that’s packed with domestic tourists like a boiling pot of jiaozi ? That’s just cruel and unusual. And that’s why we know long-term, well-enculturated, fluent-in-Chinese families here who simply don’t do the beach at all.

But when it comes to our family, we’re a little more desperate. Not swimming outdoors in the summer would be… we might as well all be in summer school. So we’ve tried numerous things over the last four years, attempting to make the beach worthwhile. And I think we’ve pretty much got it down. Behold! This is us, on the beach in Qingdao, in July:

wedoqingdaobeach

Where are all the people? Why isn’t there a ring of photographers around your little blond, curly-haired children? How is it that I can see where the sand ends and the water begins? Over the last few years we’ve distilled a few tricks, like our particular place and times, and the result is that photo (four of those seven bodies are us). We do this nearly every Saturday in not-cold weather from June to September.

A “successful” beach day for us isn’t perfect, of course. On the day that photo was taken I had to politely turn away two requests for photos with our kids, and passive-aggressively angle-out photo attempts from two other people. Drawing a circle around our tent and sandcastle works as an effective barrier on about 95% of the people who pause to look, meaning only one person all day stepped over it to try and get their kid to stand next to ours for a photo (this is pretty much always a domestic tourist from an inland village or small town, where social norms are different). Most passersby don’t stop to look, but those who do merely stand outside the circle for a moment before moving on. An ATV drove up once to check us out. But that’s all in 5+ hours at the beach, which imo is a very reasonable amount of attention to tolerate as a foreign family in a wannabe 2nd-tier Chinese city.

You can see less-successful beach attempts from summers past here:

letsallgoswimming
Summer’s here! Let’s everyone go swimming! 夏天来了大家游泳去吧

The Romance of Han & Leia — in Chinese

First let’s set the relational context by recalling Han (汉 hàn) and Leia’s (莱娅 láiyà) recent romantic history…
delusionslaserbrain
aloneinthesouthpassage
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…in which Leia calls Han a:
stuckup
nerfherder
scruffylookin
…and then looks at him like this:
leiaglare
Leia (莱娅 láiyà):
真不知道这些幻想哪里来的 zhēn bùzhīdào zhèxiē huànxiǎng nǎlǐ láide
“Really don’t know where these illusions come from”

Han (汉 hàn):
但你没在南侧通道看到我们 dàn nǐ méi zài náncè tōngdào kàndào wǒmen
“But you didn’t see us in the south passage”
她对我倾诉钟情了喔 tā duì wǒ qīngsù zhōngqíng le ō
“She poured out her heart to me”

Leia (莱娅 láiyà):
你这个自大、愚蠢、邋遢的呆瓜! nǐ zhège zìdà、yúchǔn、lātàde dāiguā
“You self-important, foolish, sloppy idiot!”

Han (汉 hàn):
谁邋遢了?shuí lātà le?
“Who’s sloppy?”

Undaunted, our hero Han, who always shoots first, is not about to let little things like kissing your brother or getting called nerf herder slow him down for long:
scoundrel00a
scoundrel00b
scoundrel01
scoundrel02
scoundrel03
scoundrel04
scoundrel05
Han (汉 hàn):
承认吧,有时候你觉得我还不错
chéngrènba,yǒushíhòu nǐ juéde wǒ hái bùcuò
“Admit it, sometimes you think I’m not too bad”

scoundrelliumangLeia (莱娅 láiyà):
或许……偶尔吧……
huòxǔ……ǒuěrba……
“Perhaps, occasionally”
你在不耍流氓的时候
nǐ zài bù shuǎliúmáng deshíhòu
“When you aren’t behaving like a hoodlum”

Han (汉 hàn):
耍流氓?shuǎliúmáng?
耍流氓?shuǎliúmáng?
“Behaving like a hoodlum? Behaving like a hoodlum?”
你喜欢我,因为我是流氓
nǐ xǐhuān wǒ,yīnwèi wǒ shì liúmáng
“You like me, because I’m a hoodlum”
你这人就需要流氓
nǐ zhè rén jiù xūyào liúmáng
“You need a hoodlum”

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this” — in Chinese

buxiangde yuganEvery single “I’ve got a bad feeling about this” line from the original Star Wars trilogy — in Chinese.

For all those times in China you wish you’d known how to say, “Um, guys? I’ve got an inauspicious premonition about this…”

Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope
星球大战4:新希望 xīngqiú dàzhàn: xīn xīwàng
badfeeling01
badfeeling02
Luke Skywalker 卢克·天行者 lúkè tiānxíngzhě:
“I have a very bad feeling about this.”
Han Solo 汉·索洛 hàn suǒluò:
“I got a bad feeling about this.”

Both lines translated as:
我有种不祥的预感 wǒ yǒu zhǒng bùxiángde yùgǎn
“I have a kind of inauspicious premonition.”

Honourable mention: 伍基 楚巴卡 wǔjī chǔbākǎ aka 楚伊 chǔyī

Star Wars: Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
星球大战5:帝国反击战 xīngqiú dàzhàn: dìguó fǎjī zhàn
(The Empire Counter-Attack War)
badfeeling03
Princess Leia 莱娅公主 láiyà gōngzhǔ: “I have a bad feeling about this.”

我有不祥的预感 wǒ yǒu bùxiángde yùgǎn
“I have an inauspicious premonition.”

Star Wars: Episode VI Return of the Jedi
星球大战6:绝地归来 xīngqiú dàzhàn: juédì guīlái
badfeeling04
badfeeling05
C-3PO: “R2, I have a bad feeling about this.”

我有种不祥的预感 wǒ yǒu zhǒng bùxiángde yùgǎn
“I have a kind of inauspicious premonition.”

Han Solo 汉·索洛 hàn suǒluò: “I have a really bad feeling about this.”

我有种不好的预感 wǒ yǒu zhǒng bùhǎode yùgǎn
“I have a kind of not good premonition.”

BONUS! Star Wars: Episode VII The Force Awakens
星球大战7:原力觉醒 xīngqiú dàzhàn: yuánlì juéxǐng

P.S. – The list of lines comes from Wookieepedia.

P.P.S. – Character names came from Baidu, so no guarantees.

P.P.P.S. – More bonus!

“May the Force be with you”
愿原力与你同在
yuàn yuánlì yǔ nǐ tóngzài

And if you’re with your small laowai kids at a Chinese restaurant or your neighbours’:

“May a fork be with you”
愿叉子与你同在
yuàn chāzi yǔ nǐ tóngzài

Brace yourselves: China’s coal season is coming

Every fall, we stock up on a new shipment of these things, and start the cold season with freshly-equipped, cheap D.I.Y. home air purifiers:
Strap-on HEPA filters
Find out how you can pass the winter in China while cheaply shaving less years off your life than you would otherwise:

China Essentials: DIY Air Purifiers

Chinese Tourist of the Year

This summer, during our family’s first visit to North America in three years, we shared the ferry from Vancouver to Victoria with a literal bus-load of Chinese tourists.

Chinese tourist in Canada

I’m giving this guy from Yunan, who was really nice and took pictures for us, the Chinese Tourist of the Year award for coordinating his Canada hat and Canada shirt with the Canada flag. Full points for Canada enthusiasm! Just warms my frozen Canadian heart…

“…tear gas, or as it’s known in China, ‘the sky'”

It’s that special time of year again:

The Colbert Report clip embedded below about a lot of severely inconvenienced Beijing pigeons and Some Event Which Must Not Be Named has reminded me that it’s time to order new filters for our DIY air purifiers. Because winter is coming to China. And that means the annual airpocalypse.

And we’ve got everything you need to know right here:

China Essentials: DIY home air purifiers

Because “…tear gas, or as it’s known in China, ‘the sky’.”

(You’ll need to set your VPN on a U.S. server to see the video.)
(We’ve gotta to do something about the pronunciation of Chinese names in mainstream English media.)

Hate flagging down taxis in China? Problem SOLVED [Updated!]

I don’t know about taxis in North America; I can’t remember ever being in one. In China they’re relatively cheap and common, faster than the bus, and you probably don’t own your own car. We take the bus as much as we can, but that still means at least one taxi per week.

Taxis save a ton of time if you don’t get stuck not being able to get one. Flagging down a taxi in China can sometimes be a major pain. They’re all full. Or there aren’t any. Or someone “steals” “yours”. Or — most annoyingly — they’re empty but they inexplicably wave you off. Turns out there are reasons why empty taxis pass right buy you. Sometimes they’re about to change shifts. Sometimes they fear the hassle/awkwardness of a foreigner who might not speak Chinese. But more likely, they’re using one or both of these two free smart phone apps: 快的打车 and 嘀嘀打车. And now that we are, too, our arm-flapping on the side of the road days are mostly a thing of the past.

We’ve been using both these apps for weeks now, and they’re genius. It basically means you never end up wasting time waving your arms at the traffic while trying to out-position all the other roadside arm flappers. You enter where and when you want to be picked up and your destination, it notifies every driver instantly, and they choose whether or not to accept. So far it’s only taken seconds for us to get a reply. You can talk to the drivers directly. And they’re motivated to follow through: this app means they have much less empty car time, but if they fail to show up you can ding them and they risk getting temporarily banned from the software.

UPDATE: Turns out these apps are having an app war, and Zhīfùbǎo is involved, too. That means some great promotions for drivers and riders. You can set them up to use your bank card or 支付宝 (sort of like Paypal). Right now if you use both apps you get 10元 off your fare five times per day (two times with 快的打车 and three times with 嘀嘀打车). Plus you earn points that you can redeem for phone charging or hotel discounts, etc. The drivers get 10 or 15元 for every five people they get to pay with 支付宝,depending on which app they use, which is why they’re all suddenly asking us if we want to use Zhīfùbǎo. — 2014-01-26

This going on our China essentials short-list, along with Pleco (Chinese language learning app), the China Air Quality Index app, and DIY air purifiers.