Foreign Baby in Tianjin Pt. 2 — a rock star in the family

By Joel ~
| Being Chinese about it | Cute | Family | Foreign baby in China | People | Photo posts |

Have we ever seen this woman before? Nope. And did she just come up, start touching our kid’s face and try to make her smile? Of course!

This is routine whenever we take Lilia out for walks. A friendly stranger or two (or ten) will often stop to try and make her smile, and that often involves touching. Younger people like the girl in these photos tend to be gentler than middle-aged and older women, at least in our experience. We have some neighbourhood committee ladies who talk so loud when they’re trying to get a reaction out of Lilia that they make her scared; they pretty much yell in her face, but not intentionally — that’s just how they talk all day long. Those kinds of folks also tend to play a little rougher with the way the pinch legs and touch cheeks.

Obviously we don’t let the general public manhandle our daughter, but since it’s so expected that any friendly person can play with a stranger’s baby, and since “foreign dolls” (洋娃娃) are such an attraction, we try to be as accommodating as we can while still protecting Lilia. As you can see, she likes it sometimes.

I’ve only had to directly physically block someone’s hand once, when a woman who honestly looked like a KTV prostitute tried to stick her finger in Lilia’s mouth on the Beijing subway. People don’t understand when you bat their fingers away, but there’s no way I’m letting random people stick there fingers in our daughter’s mouth, regardless of whether or not they’re dressed like a xiǎojiě (小姐)! Same goes for anyone who seems like they might be too rough. I use as much finesse and tact as I can, of course (we indirectly block people all the time), but obviously we’re willing to cause offense if we have to to protect our daughter. Those kinds of situations are very rare, however, and most people are great, wanting to coo over a baby like people do anywhere… just maybe a little more so.

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No offensive

By Jessica ~
| Beauty | Being Chinese about it | Family | Foreign baby in China |

Lilia and I have recently started having play dates with other babies and moms. Yesterday we met up with a new Chinese friend and her 11 month old baby. This mom lives on one of the university campuses that is a short walk from our apartment… there is a lot less traffic on campus, and a lot more trees…which makes it a good place to go for a stroll. While we were waiting at the place we were supposed to meet our friend, Lilia played the role of “foreign super star baby.” People gathered around us, making clucking noises at her, touching her hands and face, and saying over and over “Bee-yoo-tee-full.” At one point we must have had about 10 people leaning over her, all trying to get her to smile (which is, fortunately, not too difficult to do).

Once our friends got there we found a little clearing where some other moms and babies had gathered. I was telling her about the scene she’d just missed, and my friend said (in Chinese): “She is beautiful. She is much, MUCH more beautiful than you.” Then in English, she said “No offensive.” :)

I thought it was funny. I wasn’t offended, as I know that Lilia is more beautiful than me (and want her to be). I just wouldn’t have ever said it that way myself. Yet another example of how the supposedly indirect Chinese are often very, very direct.

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Diary of a Worm in Chinese! (an English / 汉字 / pīnyīn online read-along)

By Joel ~
| Family | Foreign baby in China | Learning Mandarin |

A friend bought our daughter 蚯蚓的日记, the Chinese translation of Diary of a Worm, as a Christmas gift. It’s actually pretty funny – I think it won some awards or something – and so as a language exercise I’ve back-translated it into English (without ever seeing the original English text).

You can read along!
After all that work, and because it’s a great book, I put my English, the 汉字 and the pīnyīn together into a PDF cheatsheet and uploaded shots of each page into a photo gallery so other language students can test their reading comprehension. On the gallery page you can click through the pages and if you get stuck, either reference the PDF cheatsheet or glance at the captions under each photo, which also contain all the text for that page in English, 汉字,and pīnyīn (the captions are ugly; go with the PDF!).

Of course, if you like it you should buy it. Checking out author Doreen Cronin’s homepage might be nice, too.

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Foreign baby in China essentials: FACEBOOK SUBSTITUTE (or VPN) & SKYPE

By Joel ~
| Culture stress | Family | Foreign baby in China | Friends Far Away |

The Problem

Problem: you have someone’s grandbaby, niece, nephew and/or great-grandbaby, and you live on the other side of the globe. Aside from mom and dad, all the people who love him or her the most are far, far away. This really, really sucks!

We were in Canada for the first four months of Lilia’s life (she spent her first month outside her mommy in the NICU). During that time our Facebook accounts were filled with baby photos and videos as well as daily comments from family and friends all around the globe. And that was when we were still living with family in our own country; we hadn’t even left yet.

In China, Facebook is was the ultimate tool for sharing baby photos and videos with far away family members (and, thanks to the privacy options, not the entire sleaze-saturated, creep-infested, pervert-enabling internet). Everyone from my grandparents to their great-grandkids are on Facebook, and it just kills to not get to share our daughter with them. We also miss the weekly and often daily FB interaction revolving around our nieces and nephews and whatever other family adventures are going on (most recently: the 2010 Olympic Games in our hometown!). Obviously it’s not as good as being within driving distance of your relatives, but FB was a big help and it’s sorely missed.

Some Options

So, 怎么办? Here’s the three options we’ve come across for making the physical distance from family members a little less painful. If you have other ideas, please let us know in the comments!

1) Get a VPN
We haven’t bothered to used a paid service to unrestrict our internet in China. When it comes to the internet less can be more, I’m really cheap, and I assume those VPN services will be blocked eventually anyway. But for $60 bucks a year (wow, I really am cheap…) you can get great services like the one we just won for free! The good folks at ChengduLiving.com had a free giveaway and just yesterday we won six months of free VPN service! We tried it this morning and it’s working great; click here to see the details — you can get a discount code from ChengduLiving.com. (Thanks tons, guys!) Our original strategy didn’t involve VPNs, so I don’t know if we’ll keep using it or not once our free six months are up.

2) Get/Make a Facebook substitute
I’m really cheap, Facebook was already sucking up too much of my time, and I wanted a baby-photo-sharing backup that would work even if/when China blocked every proxy and VPN in the world. So we set up a private, password-protected, family-only WordPress blog. Since we already pay for our own domain name and hosting, this didn’t cost us anything extra. It’s not as slick as Facebook, of course, but we can still share photo galleries and upload video clips that our family can download, and everyone can leave comments and share their own stories and photos. It’s also nice to have some family-members-only space on the internet. Our families can see photos and video the same day we take them.

There’s no guarantee that our domain name/hosting server won’t go the way of Facebook, YouTube, and a growing list of proxies and VPNs; personal sites get blocked, too. But we try to play nice by staying away from topics and words that the gov. deems sensitive. Plus sites like ours aren’t as high priority for censors or as high profile as proxies anyway.

3) Use Skype
You don’t need a top-of-the-line computer or video camera (we have older stuff) to pull off great Skype video calls. And it’s free! And if your grandparents are too computer-illiterate to handle Skype, you can just Skype their phones for pennies a minute at the most ($0.02/minute to Canada and the USA). When international video calls or phone calls are this easy, it’d be tragic not to take advantage of the opportunity.

Any other ideas? How do you stay connected with family and friends back home?

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Foreign baby in China essentials: FRIENDLY STRANGER FINGER SHIELD

By Joel ~
| Being Chinese about it | Culture fun | Family | Foreign baby in China |

The guy in the stationary shop by our front gate says our daughter is “our neighbourhood’s little superstar.” I love showing off our little “foreign doll” (洋娃娃); she deserves all the attention no matter what country she’s in!

But sometimes the friendly little crowds that occasionally form around her can be too much. Especially when total strangers try to stick their fingers in our daughter’s mouth to make her smile! When I come home from work on the subway I always wash my hands before I play with her; there’s no way we’re letting random dàjiěs fresh out of the càishichǎng stick their fingers right in her mouth!

And that’s where this post’s foreign-baby-in-China essential comes in: āyí finger-blockers.

We have an Erogobaby baby backpack (they really ought to pay me for this!), and it has this very convenient lǎotàitàis-who-want-to-stick-their-fingers-in-foreign-babys’-mouths-finger-blocking device. It’s not in any of these photos because in winter the snowsuit does almost as good a job, but this baby carrier has a panel of fabric that you can button over the baby’s head when she’s sleeping. She doesn’t get distracted and people can’t get at her.

These photos are from today at Tianjin’s 古文化街。Lilia would not stop drawing friendly crowds! It was fun and she was smiling at everyone, but I was glad for the big snowsuit hood that she could hide behind and sleep behind when she needed to.

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Foreign baby in China essentials: IMPORTED BABY FORMULA

By Joel ~
| China: life & times | Family | Foreign baby in China | How to... | Soapboxes |

(I told you so!)

If you have a infant in China and you’re using baby formula, then this is for you.

The Problem

After the 2008 melamine milk powder scandal, in which several infants died and hundreds of thousands were harmed by drinking melamine-tainted baby formula, we heard other foreigners multiple times say, “Now’s the best time buy Chinese milk powder — it’s never been safer.” Thankfully, we knew better.

That kind of thinking is what Chinese people call “using foreign thinking to understand China” — in other words: wrong. Now in 2010 it’s all over the news that 170 tons of unsafe milk powder products that were supposed to be destroyed in the wake of the 2008 scandal were simply repackaged and put back on store shelves. Melamine is an industrial chemical used in plastics and adhesives that also creates false, boosted protein readings on quality tests of watered-down milk powder solutions so that they don’t appear diluted. It also causes kidney stones and kidney failure. Despite the very public scandal, people knowingly repackaged and resold a product that they knew was lethal. Silly foreigners; “you laowais can’t understand China.”

It’s not a matter of being overly cynical about the priorities of China’s highest leaders. The system is broken, or rather, it was never designed to protect and empower individuals and the public in the first place (just the opposite; it was designed to empower the rulers at the expense of the people). Even if high-level leaders have good intentions they simply can’t adequately enforce these kinds of policies. In response to a major international scandal in which babies died, hundreds of thousands were harmed and the public was outraged, they executed a dairy farmer and a salesman, shuffled the responsible gov. officials around, and obviously failed to remove 170 tons of the stuff that caused the damage in the first place. (Those ‘disgraced’ officials are now back in same-level or higher positions.)

It borders on irresponsible, in my opinion, to trust the Chinese system more than you have to. Thankfully, when it comes to baby formula, trusting the system is unnecessary.

Breast milk is best, of course, but if you live in China and your baby needs formula, 怎么办

Our Solution

When we need baby formula, we use Táobǎo to get imported name-brand Dutch formula (inspected by our Dutch friends) for the same price or cheaper than what’s on the store shelves in China. No doubt it includes ingredients made in China, but Dutch babies haven’t gotten kidney stones from baby formula yet.

Taobao.com is the cuter, blinkier, Chinese eBay. Some of your Chinese friends or co-workers most likely have accounts. My Chinese co-workers used to shop on Táobǎo all day before the company blocked the site. Get someone to order imported formula for you or open your own account (opening an account requires Chinese and Táobǎo accounts can be complicated, even for locals).

*Special tip: The first time you order from a vendor on Taobao.com, order a small amount so you can check the product closely to see if anything looks suspicious. You can get fake stuff on Taobao just as easily as anywhere else. If it checks out, you’re good to go! The vendor we use is here.

**Warning: This is not foolproof! By ordering off Táobǎo you’re trusting your ability to spot a fake product. Some fakes can be very well done. Be extremely careful. Ordering imported formula from Taobao is no guarantee, it’s just significantly better odds than domestic formula, imo. For a safer and only slightly more expensive option, see the first and fifth comments below.

If anyone has any other baby-formula-in-China advice, please let us know in the comments!

(This is the first in a series; several more are cued up, in no particular order. We have a baby, so as we discover the tricks of the trade in China, we’ll share them here.)

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A Foreign Baby in Tianjin Pt. 1 – is this our future?

By Joel ~
| Being Chinese about it | Cultural perspectives | Family | Foreign baby in China |

While we were in Canada having our baby, some Mandarin school classmates of ours stayed in China to have theirs (I think they’re finishing up their second year of full time language study). I asked them in an e-mail about anything we ought to know before we bring Lilia back to Tianjin in September, and their reply is… I’m not sure how to feel about this yet! Some of it I expected, but other parts (like #3 & #5) — wow. Here are some excerpts (I added the headings and rearranged the order a bit):

1. Benefits

Having a baby in China has its challenges but such a great experience. Our son has opened so many doors for us in getting to know people and the culture here in ways we did not expect. It is so wonderful to see him bringing joy and delight to people also and to see faces smile when they see him. We don’t mind photos taken of him either.

(Photos? Ha, you mean, like this?)

2. Rock Star Babies

We knew that we were going to generate a lot more attention with our son but did not expect just how much. People here LOVE babies and foreign babies are a great source of curiosity. It seems that everyone wants to have a look. At the hospital where we gave birth, every nurse came in wanting to look, other patients and their relatives and friends wanted a peep. It happens on the street and in shops, at the local clinic where we get immunisations, in our xiǎoqū (neighbourhood)… pretty much everywhere. He is the little foreigners’ baby and is the only foreign baby in our local area (as far as we can tell) and is pointed out as such with ‘look at his big eyes, white skin’, etc… Because we are a mixed couple, people also want to look to see who he most resembles. For the first four months (he is now just over 5 months) just until recently almost everyone who was Chinese said that he was too small. People have asked to hold him and want to hold his hands or touch his skin… this is tricky.

People always ask, “How old is your baby and how heavy are they?” They will no doubt make comments about Lilia’s size and in comparison to other babies. Babies here are FAT, well not all but they adore fat babies and aspire to having a fat one. We have seen very obese looking ones. I have been told because they look cute and also because they seem healthier looking. What they don’t tell you is what goes into the baby. Many if not most feed their babies on formula thinking it is best. When our son was 3 months old, a lady came up to us in a restaurant to tell us that we can now start feeding him sugared water!!! I assume she thought, just like many, that he was too thin. He was definitely not thin, weighing in at 3.8kgs at birth!!!

We ALWAYS get asked… where was your baby born, did you give birth naturally or have a cesarean, do you breastfeed or use formula, do you prefer boys or girls and how many children do you hope to have???

We have chosen to carry him in a sling or the baby bjorn or sometimes if it is too hot we just carry him in our arms. The sling and baby bjorn also creates attention and people either think it is not good for the baby or it is a novel, very convenient way of carrying a baby.

3. Bad Parents!

Things that we would think was ‘normal’ like taking our son out after the month inside was considered wrong! We were constantly told to go home, we even had a couple of complete strangers yell at us and tell us how irresponsible we were. Even though he is almost 6 months, we still get comments but better now. These experiences have made us think twice before leaving the house. Early morning is a good time to go for walks and generally that time is acceptable and we have also gone for walks around after dinner and that is mostly Ok. It is so hot now anyway that we stay indoors a lot…

4. Free Advice

Our son has eczema. This means he often has red patches on his skin especially cheeks and chin. We often have people commenting and telling us what we should do and what to eat and what not to eat, etc… Some have responded with pointing at him and looking in horror. Most often people comment out of concern and we appreciate peoples directness with us. You can tell the difference between people who care and those who don’t.

5. Health Hazards

Having a baby makes you realise just how many people here smoke! It is hard to avoid in restaurants and well pretty much everywhere.

The local Chinese clinic [...] You can get a brief consultation but the clinic is mostly always busy (unless it is raining outside… this we thankfully discovered this week), ventilation poor, noisy and very crowded. If you have a foreign baby this attracts A LOT of attention so everyone crowds around while you are having the consultation, it makes things tricky. Hygiene at the local clinic is below what we would consider ‘standard’, nurses don’t use gloves and we have never seen them wash their hands. My parents visited us for a month in May and accompanied us twice. They saw mothers letting their babies wee into the hand basin (which incidentally has a sign all about the importance of hand washing) and were aghast. They pleaded us to never go back!!!

Best to get as much immunisations as you can before returning. We have chosen to get him immunised at the local Chinese clinic which is an experience in itself especially if you have a ‘foreign baby’. We have been told by other foreigners that often the injections are ‘watered down’ so we have opted to get the imported stuff. This may not be true & I don’t want to be spreading untrue rumours. It’s just that our doctor friend told us this was happening where he is in China and we simply didn’t want to take the risk as immunisations wasn’t something to muck around about. We go to the local Chinese clinic and pay extra for the imported stuff. Unfortunately the imported stuff is very expensive.

6. Baby Maintenance & Accessories

You can buy lots of things here. My family sends us some trusted things but overall mostly everything else has been given to us from people here or bought. Tianjin has two very large baby companies with catalogues and internet sites where you can ring and order and have goods delivered the next day. Very convenient especially buying diapers, etc.

Anyone else want to share their foreign-baby-in-China experiences/advice/warnings? Seriously folks, we’re all ears!

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A North American couple with a background in Intercultural Studies tries to make a life in China. This is our coping mechanismblog.

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    蓝精灵

    Pronounced: lán jīnglíng
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    The Ministry of Environmental Protection acknowledged on Monday that the first half of 2010 had the worst air quality since 2005.

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    - 2010/07/27

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