Okay, so from a cats-eye view, there’s been a whole lot of WEIRD activity going on around here lately. The big cats have been extra busy…the weirdest thing has probably been all the cleaning! That’s when I really knew that something was up….usually, they’ll do the dishes a few times a week and sweep the floor every once in a while. But not this week….noooooo. They’ve been moving around furniture, doing extra laundry, sweeping, scrubbing, mopping….they even brought in this orange scary monster with a trunk like an elephant to help out with the cleaning. That thing reached under the bed and the dresser and sucked my dust bunny collection into oblivion.
So I started eavesdropping and paying closer attention to see if I could figure out what was behind all of this unusual activity. Here’s what I found out…and boy are my hackles raised!
The big cats are taking off to some wonderful magic place called “Cat-nada” for a few months and they’re not planning on taking me with them. I don’t get it…with a name like that, it seems like the kind of place I could enjoy.
But that’s not the worst of it. They’ve made arrangements with “The Boss” for me to stay at his house. If they think I’m living with Doo-doo, the hairless wonder cat, for two months….they’re off their rockers. He may be some kind of fancy-schmancy show cat, but he wouldn’t recognize a good haiku if it came up and bit him on his hairless rump.
So, I’m devising a plan. Actually, I’ve already devised a few…and the big cats have already foiled a couple of them.
Plan A – “Fake Sick”: Help out with the cleaning. “Accidentally” ingest some of the cleaning products. This should make me sick enough that the big cats will feel bad, cancel their trip, and stay here to nurse me back to health. And beg for forgiveness for trying to leave in the first place.
Unfortunately, they foiled this one. They noticed that my paws got coated with the cleaning stuff and that I was starting to lick it. So not only did they wreck my plan, but they also subjected me to the ultimate humiliation…they bathed me!
Plan 2 – “Look Cute”: I discovered that my apartment won’t be empty while the big cats are gone. Some other big cat is moving in and was scheduled to bring her bags to the apartment today. So, I planned to look extra cute (I even washed behind my ears, and pretended that I was sleeping on the couch when she arrived), calm, and cuddly in hopes that she might offer to keep me while the big cats are away.
Unfortunately, this one was foiled too. Apparently, the new big cat is “not really a cat person.” She likes DOGS and BIRDS!!! and she doesn’t like cats because they kill birds. In a way, I’m glad this plan didn’t work out…I’m not sure I could live with someone loony enough to prefer a brainless bird over a cat.
Plan C – “Sneaky Stowaway”: This plan is simple. Climb in the suitcases while they’re packing, and hope they don’t notice. Then when they reach Cat-nada — Surprise!!! Chou chou’s here!
Foiled again. Not only did they notice when I tried to hide in the suitcase, but then they proceeded to pack the suitcases so tight that there’s no room for me. Dangit.
Plan 4 – “Nine Inch Nails”: (haven’t gotten to try this yet, but I think it’ll work) It seems to me that if the big cats don’t have suitcases, they can’t fly anywhere. After I finish this post, I think I’ll test my claws on their luggage and see if I can shred it to smithereens before dawn. Wish me luck.
I’m not sure that I can handle going to live with a cat that has a mullet. But if plan 4 doesn’t work and I’m stuck with Doo doo…I can take comfort in several things which are definite advantages in the competition for attention.
1. I’m cute.
2. I’m still a kitten.
3. I have all of my fur.