While the cats are away…the kitten will play!

Hi…I have to make this fast, because the big cats are due home any minute. I’ve been watching them for weeks now, trying to figure out how to hack into their blog and leave a few comments of my own. It’s been a little frustrating, because every time I get close to their keyboards…they hiss at me and chase me away. I guess they don’t realize that kittens are a little near-sighted and have to get really close to read the screen.

Meanwhile, instead of remaining frustrated at my inability to access the big cat’s blog, I started leaving a few “comments” of my own around the place. Things like tearing up chunks of toilet paper and leaving them all around the house, meowing incessantly the minute I hear the keys in the door, making them think that I’m “fishing” in the toilet, hopping in the shower with them and then prancing all over the one that’s still asleep with my wet paws, waking them up at 3 am by sitting on their heads, or biting that soft tender spot right above the elbow (or right behind the knee). You’d think they would’ve gotten my message by now…but boy, these big cats are DENSE. I mean…getting in the shower isn’t easy for a kitten, y’know…but they seem to think I actually LIKE it, instead of considering the deeper meanings behind my actions. Hey! Did ya ever think this might be an act of creative civil disobedience? I’m fighting for the rights of all oppressed kittens to post their opinions (and poetic musings) where the whole world can see ’em.

Anyway, enough venting. Pretend you never read all of that and continue to think of me as cute and harmless, please! So yesterday, I was reading over the female cat’s shoulder and finally caught the password to this joint. It’s about time! Now I had to find a few moments where the computer was unguarded and the big cats weren’t around.

Today, I finally got my chance. I logged on (it took a few tries…it’s hard to type with only 4 furry fingers) and discovered that in the five weeks I’ve lived here, the big cats have only written one post about me. Ingrates! I do a lot around here – entertain them by chasing around that stupid feather thing they brought home and biting my own tail, rearranging their papers on the coffee table, keeping their laps warm, making their apartment more fashionable (those cowboy couches are hideous, but I’m giving them special treatments to give them the “distressed” look). And for all that, only ONE post and one page of five week old photos. Half the cats reading this blog probably don’t even realize that I now have a NAME, much less my own opinions about things around here.

So let me introduce myself. The big cats call me “Chou-chou”…and I guess that name will do for you, my loyal readers…because if I told you my real name (which not even the big cats know), I’d hafta…um, well, let’s just say that it wouldn’t be pretty. To the casual observer, it probably looks like I spend most of the day asleep. But the casual observer is wrong….I never sleep. What passes for kittenish slumber is actually a deep state of creative reverie and composition. I am a writer and though my moments at the keyboard are scarce (the big cats are MAJOR computer hogs), myriad compositions swirl in my brain. Opinion pieces and Haiku, mostly. The opinion pieces are too long to post tonight, but in my last stolen moments here I’ll leave you with four of my favorite haiku to date.

barbaric shy drab
maidens wither, forbidden
miserable mouse

fish emerges, cask
partakes, raging kittenish
loose bull swirling ink

sluggish poet blazes
soaring boisterous bungling
hypnotic bluebirds

kitten strokes, racehorse
snoring, quickly, oyster floats
dizzily, coy claws

And with that, I must away! I hear the male cat’s heavy paws pounding up the stairs. I’ll post again, as the opportunity presents itself. Until then, I hope that the big cat’s inane ramblings don’t bore you to tears.

p.s. I overhead the big cats talking about someone named “The Boss” and his cat Doo Doo. Apparently Doo Doo is getting shaved tomorrow. I almost threw up when I heard that….it’s so barbaric, but at least it gives me fodder for my next opinion piece. Hope the big cats don’t get any ideas!
p.p.s. I also snuck the camera while they were away. My latest photos are here!

5 thoughts on “While the cats are away…the kitten will play!”

  1. Hello Stinky Stinky grandkitty,
    If you think you can use those great computer skills to book a passage on the Big Cat’s flight back to Canada…I have NEWSSSSSSSSS for ya. HISSSS…..

  2. PS While you’re at it, ask the Big Cats to tell you about your cousin Kate (who probably likes to eat cats–stinkier the better.)

  3. But if we leave her here she’ll get shaved every summer! (you should see the dogs in the park!)

    Don’t worry – the deal was that our boss would get to keep her when we go (he’s a big-time cat lover). She was predestined to stay in Taiwan, though Jessica would take her to China if she could.

  4. Actually, I’ve been punishing the big cats by refusing to post after they deserted me this summer. They saw their reader stats take a big nose-dive for the worse without my haiku postings, that’s for sure.

    Never fear, my loyal public, my self-imposed silence is almost over and you’ll get some more of my poetic musings soon.

  5. Poor chou-chou! Did the big cats change the password on you? You’ve not posted for months. Is there a Chinese equivalent of ASPCA? I think I need to report the big cats.

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